PAUL BRENNAN'S Blog

A humourous blog including quotations, comment, cartoons, articles, jokes about life, law and lawyers.  Material on this site (unless otherwise stated) is (c)paul.brennan@brennanlaw.com.au.  All rights reserved.

Lately, I have been working on the

101 Reasons to Kill All the Lawyers Blog. I expect to complete it in March 2009 and then publish the content in a book of the same name.
The best/funniest comments made by visitors to that site will be included in the book.

Friday 8 August 2008
Thought for the day

Let your love flow outward through the universe, To its height, its depth, its broad extent, A limitless love, without hatred or enmity. Then as you stand or walk, Sit or lie down, As long as you are awake, Strive for this with a one-pointed mind; Your life will bring heaven to earth.

Sutta Nipata
Ed: If that doesn't work, get legal.

Sunday 3 August 2008

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Friday 1 August 2008

Law Firm blessed by Pope: It’s a miracle

Paul Brennan

The blessing by the Pope of Corrs Chambers Westgarth (“Corrs”), an Australian law firm has caused lawyers to fear a bid by the firm for cannonisation.

“It would give them an unfair advantage” said one senior partner “it is the ultimate accreditation”. Traditional law firms which frown on promising miracles are rushing to adopt prayer as yet another type of Alternative Dispute Resolution. “It is more satisfying than mediation although we are not sure as a business model that there is much money in it” said a litigation lawyer at another firm.

Corrs received the blessing for sponsoring the Catholic Church’s World Youth Day which was held in Sydney and attended by Pope Benedict XVI.

“As far as I am aware, it is one of the few church initiatives suitable for law firm sponsorship since the Inquisition” said another disappointed lawyer.

Cannonisation usually takes years however it can be expedited. Corrs could set up a “Cannonisation Group” contacting clients to gain evidence of miracles performed by the firm. Although, no client is known to have stepped forward as yet we can expect to see “set piece” miracle events such as the “suing of the 5,000” and breathing life into hopeless cases. Partners will be challenged to test their belief that they can walk on water.

A vow of silence and retreating to a cave in the mountains seems unlikely. However, a vow of poverty which so many other law firms have been embracing in this current credit crunch could be a winner. A plate being passed round in reception could yield extra revenue for the firm.

The Senior Partner, named John is said to have referred to one coming after him which has fueled rumours of a new charismatic managing partner of even greater power and ability.

Younger lawyers at the firm have replaced the usual bowing and scraping to partners with a simple genuflection.

“The Catholic Church has been known to reach out and forgive murderers and thieves. However, reaching out to lawyers appears to be breaking new ground. But, we are all God’s children” explained one church member. However, on being asked if accountants and bankers could be next he said “Are you kidding?”.

The Devil was unavailable for comment.

Wednesday 30 July 2008

The trouble with fighting for human freedom is that one spends most of one's time defending scoundrels. For it is against scoundrels that oppressive laws are first aimed, and oppression must be stopped at the beginning if it is to be stopped at all.
HL Mencken

Thursday 17 July 2008

Man goes for job interview.

Interviewer: "Take this revolver, go out and shoot 6 lawyers and a white rabbit".

Man: "Why the white rabbit?".

Interviewer: "You have got the job".

Tuesday 1 July 2008

Click here for a free copy of this month's issue of the Law & Disorder Ezine.

Monday 30 June 2008

If you find your accountant challenging here are 4 Youtube one minute video clips from The Trunk Monkey series.  They have come a long way.  

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yEC2OtHq7Pw Business Day

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EmNeA-lDVlw Chaperone

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=44Y-_JAjAwE&NR=1 Dance

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xWtBghktOlE&feature=related Car theft

Tuesday 24 June 2008

Watch short video clips on legal topics such as copyright, landlord and tenant, trade marks, computer contracts, confidentiality.

Monday 23 June 2008

Human rights do not come cheap      

When I saw the Australian Government’s budget allocated $2.8M to talk about Human Rights.  My initial feeling was: Do we have to?

I was taken aback when a Human Rights activist suggested that $2.8M was doing it on the cheap.

If they are going to be picky, are they not concerned that accepting government money, tea and sandwiches may have a corrupting influence on their cause. 

Would they not prefer to meet secretly but cheaply to avoid arrest, torture and unlawful detention?   Then bravely rise up and wrest Human Rights from a reluctant government.  There is a good argument that a government kicking in $2.8M straight away takes a lot of the fun out of the struggle.

If $2.8M is cheap, what are we going to miss?  Hopefully we will not need to cut down on working together to achieve strengthened engagement, demonstrating commitments being matched at both domestic and international levels, supporting dialogue between stakeholders to highlight areas where further work will be needed.   If so, bummer.

If the budget really is constrained then:

• would not everybody really be pleased to find that Human Rights had been done to death (sometimes literally) in a whole load of places including the State of Victoria, the UK (more than once) and Hong Kong.
• we would probably decide to “cut and paste” a draft bill from the 1948 Universal Declaration of Human Rights and what has been done in various other countries.  We could offer this bill to the parliamentary process. 

This does not mean that I am against Human Rights, working families, pensioners, peace, or any of that sort of thing.  Nor am I against all the paraphernalia that goes with it.  Such as the whole “vocal” rights industry trying to give small groups all sorts of rights, as of right.  I concede that it may not be enough to allow judges to continue to apply fairness, justice, that sort of thing as they have been doing (or in some cases not doing) for millennia. 

However, should it not be a fundamental freedom to speak about Human Rights for free?  Or at least, not on my tab.  

Tuesday 10 June 2008

Old age is the most unexpected of things that can happen to a man.
Leon Trotsky

You can only be young once. But you can always be immature.
Dave Barry

It's so much easier to suggest solutions when you don't know too much about the problem.
Malcolm Forbes

Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be better to change the locks.
Doug Larson

The capacity of human beings to bore one another seems to be vastly greater than that of any other animal.
HL Mencken

It is the dull man who is always sure, and the sure man who is always dull.
HL Mencken

Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children and no theories.
John Wilmot

Virtue is its own punishment.
Aneurin Bevan

It was beautiful and simple, as truly great swindles are.
O. Henry

Friday 6 June 2008

A large income is the best recipe for happiness that I have ever heard of.
Jane Austen

Wednesday 4 June 2008

If you click http://www.oldbaileyonline.org/ and go to the Old Bailey site and type in “transportation” you will find among the penalties such as “burning in the hand” there is a penalty called “Shove the Fumbler”.

This was the subject of our Ezine Competition: Tell us what “Shove the Fumbler” means in less than 30 words. The winner is Bob Brummell ENACT Business Architects bbrummell@enact.com.au who receives my new eBook “The Legal Guide to Dying-Baby Boomer Edition”. According to the winner the meaning of “Shove the fumbler” is “receive the correction of the gentle Lash for several crimes respectively no less tedious, than impertinent here to be recited””. Disappointed?  Yes, so was I.  With keel hauling, hanging, drawing and quartering as well as being strapped to a cannon and being blown to bits to choose from it seems a little dull.

However there is more in on the “Fumbler issue”:

Casey Richardson, Realworks Support Officer at the REIQ writes:

Are you sure this isn't a mistranslation of "Shove the Tumbler"?

From what my grandfather used to tell me, the poor blokes would be tied to the back of a cart that was being taken to a hanging and get to receive a whipping along the way.

I am not sure if this was just for real estate agents or everyone.  Casey believes that this was the light entertainment before the big event of someone elses hanging which must have been some consolation for the whipee.  While being whipped the victim would need to push the cart hence the "Shove".  

My client's used to complain about community service.  Anyway, if you feel that you are having a bad day, it could be worse.

Thanks Casey for your comment.  I have sent you a copy of my eBook, as well.

Sunday 1 June 2008

Click here for a free copy of this month's issue of the Law & Disorder Ezine.

Friday 30 May 2008

Punctuality is the virtue of the bored.
Evelyn Waugh

Thursday 29 May 2008

Obscenity and giant technological strides in the bedroom

There are people in our society who do not have a high appreciation of art, such as the ladies who convinced a US museum to cover up the genitals of an exhibition of Greek statutes.  In fact, sticking a clay fig leaf on certain statues has been popular for centuries and probably requires a steady hand.

Therefore, when an art exhibition by an internationally renowned artist is raided by police and photographs of pre-pubescent girls in a “sexual context” have been seized, people are either outraged at the photographs or the raid itself.

Obscenity is difficult to prove. The pictures may need to “deprave and corrupt”, which takes some going, especially, nowadays as anybody who has watched shows like “The Simpsons” and “Southpark” will know. The Jury are told that “depravity and corruption” are given their ordinary dictionary meaning, which is not much help.  One judge said of obscenity, “I cannot describe it but I know what it is when I see it”.

In the “Lady Chatterley’s Lover” trial a judge said it was the sort of book that you would not want your servants to read, which explains why those charged with obscenity can be glad that a jury decides.

The usual divide for legislation and many of us is that if it can be called “art”, however weird it seems to us,it is probably alright.  In this case the photographs were on sale for $25,000 each so that must be art or at least he has got me fooled.

In obscenity trials the Prosecution produce po-faced Puritans, who are disgusted and the Defence produce “Oscar Wilde” types who say, in art, anything goes. There can be a party atmosphere.  But, if there is a guilty verdict, the defendants will probably be sent to prison as in the Oz trial because they have gone too far in the view of a jury.

So what is normal? Well, I thought I had a handle on this until a few weeks ago. When a primary school teacher was suspended from her job for appearing naked in Cleo magazine and speaking candidly about her sex life with her husband. Asked if she ever brought “toys” into the bedroom The Australian reported her reply as “Yes, the usual stuff - dildos, clitoral stimulators, whips and cuffs”. Understandably, now, I am not so sure.

Thursday 22 May 2008

It is impossible to defeat an ignorant man in argument.
William G. McAdoo

Friday 2 May 2008

Click here for a free copy of this month's issue of the Law & Disorder Ezine.

Wednesday 30 April 2008

When buying and selling are controlled by legislation, the first things to be bought and sold are legislators.
PJ O'Rourke

Sunday 21 April 2008

I recently spoke to the University of Queensland Law Alumni where I met their President Glen Williams, a recently retired judge. He told me would focus his attention on the university and cricket.  He was on a cricket disciplinary panel.  It reminded me of this quote:

Cricket civilizes people and creates good gentlemen, I want everyone to play cricket in Zimbabwe; I want ours to be a nation of gentlemen

Robert Mugabe

Sunday Times 1984

If it worked for Zimbabwe, it can work for Australia.

Friday 18 April 2008

Virtue is its own punishment.
Aneurin Bevan

man can be happy with any woman as long as he does not love her.
Oscar Wilde

Thursday 17 April 2008

A man can be happy with any woman as long as he does not love her.
Oscar Wilde

Tuesday 15 April 2008

I have just brought out an eBook called The Legal Guide to Dying-Baby Boomers Edition warning my genation that time is running out to put their affairs in order.

Last week, at lunch the waitress brought me the wrong order.  When I pointed it out, she said "Oh, I always mix you up with one of our other customers".  She took the sandwich and gave it to an old man who then shuffled out of the cafe. 

One minute you are fine and the next you are face down in your cappuccino.

Saturday 5 April 2008

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Friday 21 March 2008

To have a right to do a thing is not at all the same as to be right in doing it.
GK Chesterton

Tuesday 18 March 2008

The trouble with succession planning is that the longer that you live the more people who turn up expecting a piece of the action.

Paul Brennan.

Sunday 16 March 2008

Each Sunday morning I jog along Alexandra Headland. This morning I was jogging up a hill and I heard "You are doing very well".  I turned around to see a young lady who was walking up the same hill. 

I am no longer suprised when walkers match my pace however I was dismayed to find that she seemed to be walking, so slowly. 

We fell into conversation.  She was a mother of two visiting from Melbourne.  Further up the hill she said “I am not saying that you are old..but it is nice to see older people out jogging”.  I looked around there was no one else.

Monday 10 March 2008

Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.

Groucho Marx

Monday 3 March 2008

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Saturday 1 March 2008

What to tell the children

I am often asked if you should reveal the content of your will to your adult children. In a perfect world my answer would be absolutely not. This will allow you to change your will for petty reasons e.g. that they did not ask you to lunch, without upsetting them or appearing senile. If the reason for changing your will is a good one, then they can be informed after the will has been changed and they have lost out. The more money that they think you have the more satisfying this can be. You can always change it back later.

However, as clients got older and their fortunes greater, they come under increasing pressure from their adult children to reveal “Who to?” and “How much?”. Trying to reason with an adult child that their “utterly useless” sibling is more deserving is not accepted as a valid reason for the loss or reduction of their rightful inheritance. Where a step mother or step child is involved such explanations will fall on deaf ears.

If you tell each of your adult children that they shall receive their full share whether or not that is true you may later come under pressure to produce the will.

The solution is for your lawyer to produce several wills in different terms. The appropriate will can be left around the house on a visit by an adult child. A little bit like changing the photographs on display. To stop your children conferring each must say that everything is left to that particular child.

As a will provides that any previous will is invalid, it is just a matter of having the will that you really want to be dated later than the bogus wills and kept safely at your lawyer’s office.

In these circumstances, a child that has lost out may challenge your will on the grounds of your insanity. However, most judges will accept that you were driven to distraction by your children. Not an uncommon occurrence.

An extract from the "Legal Guide to the Dying". This ultimate legal advice is being written on this blog.  An eBook will be released shortly.

Friday 15 February 2008

After the historic apology to the stolen generation.......

Thursday 14 February 2008

All men are frauds.  The difference between them is that some admit it.  I myself deny it.

H.L. Mencken

Wednesday 13 February 2008

No matter what side of the argument you are on, you always find people on your side that you wish were on the other.
Jascha Heifetz

Saturday 9 February 2008

"Aim towards the Enemy" -

Instructions printed on U.S. Rocket Launcher. Also very good legal advice.

Monday 4 February 2008

Click here for a free copy of this month's issue of the Law & Disorder Ezine.

Tuesday 29 January 2008

The chef at  a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat-cutting machine.  The insurance company expecting negligence sent out one of its men to have a look for  himself.  He tried the machine and he also lost a finger.

Extract from Darwin Awards   

Saturday 26 January 2008

A man who shovelled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her. 

Extract from Darwin Awards   

Ed: received from Mike Capaldi the Director of Marketing of Cable and Wireless in the Seychelles who read the “Law & Disorder”Ezine last month RAGE IS ALL THE RAGE (below).  Mike will be sent a copy of the “Law is an Ass…Make Sure it doesn't bite yours!”. I would like to hear from anyone else with suitable material. The Ezine is read in 20+ countries around the world.

Friday 25 January 2008

"Lawyers in History" series

When newly elected Prime Minister Tony Blair attended one of his first functions he introduced himself to a lady.

"Hello I'm Tony"

She replied "And I'm Betrix"

Tony: "And what you do you Betrix?".

Beatrix: "I'm Queen of the Netherlands".

Thursday 24 January 2008

A British lawyer would like to think of himself as part of that mysterious entity called The Law; an American lawyer would like a swimming pool and two houses.

Simon Hoggart 

Ed: How does an Australian lawyer like to think of himself?

Wednesday 23 January 2008

I do not know a meaner or sadder portion of a man's existence, or one more likely to be full of impatient sorrow, than that which he spends in waiting at the offices of lawyers.

Sir Arthur Helps

Friday 18 January 2008

"First thing that we do let's kill all the lawyers" from Shakespeare's Henry VI is…misleading….the suggestion is made by villains who want.. lawyers out of the way.  Perhaps we should change it to "let us first decimate all of the lawyers". Surely no one would object if we reduced their ranks by one-tenth”.

Sydney Morning Herald

Wednesday 16 January 2008

Litigation: a machine in which you go into as a pig and come out as a sausage.

Ambrose Bierce

Tuesday 15 January 2008

Lawyers are brought up with an exaggerated reverence for their system...they don't see what's wrong with it.

Tom Sargeant

Saturday 12 January 2008

A US man has just paid $21M for a copy of the Magna Carta.  For more

http://www.legalhumour.com/Blog/Legal_Commentaries/Magna_Carta.html

Friday 11 January 2008

If the laws could speak for themselves they would complain of…lawyers.

Lord Halifax 17th century

Thursday 10 January 2008

Lawyers….think the law exists as the atmosphere exists…..the notion that it could be improved is too startling to entertain.

Lord Goodman

Wednesday 9 January 2008

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