Pass this letter to any lawyer that you know.
The last recipient to break the chain ended up working in the Attorney General's Department.
Behind every heroic legal action there is a lawyer advising against it
Enjoying Committee Meetings - The Secret
A man in a Rotary Club of which I was once a member was quite obsessed with committees. He organized a weekend away in an army camp for all the newly appointed office holders in Sydney Rotary Clubs. We had a different speaker every half hour. On the first morning, I was listening to a talk called “What the secretary has in his bag” when my mind left the room. This has happened many times in committee meetings over the years. As I got older I found myself moving my lips in sync with imaginary conversations. I worried that the other committee members would notice but many of them had blank expressions and lip movements too.
Lawyers are hated for being arrogant, pompous, aggressive, tactless, confrontational, pedantic, expensive, unscrupulous, ruthless, negative, devious and slow.
For many centuries, lawyers have been tight lipped about these 12 legal characteristics or “the 12” as they are known, but many now admit to feeling pressured by clients and others to live up to such a high expectation.
Lawyers have come to resent the daily drudge of being right all the time and find themselves bucking tradition by speaking to their staff normally rather than in the more customary “irritated” tone of voice.
“Sometimes, I have what my secretary calls a “normal day”, said one lawyer, “staff found it strange, at first”.
A recent study has found that lawyers are living off a reputation earned centuries ago and many, now, rely on their secretaries to add the sort of unpleasantness normally expected of lawyers. However, without Law School training, many secretaries struggle to meet such an exacting standard. Clients, who believe that their lawyers are too arrogant to see them, would be shocked to learn that it is a fear of being found out that is driving lawyers into isolation. However, the cracks are starting to appear. “ I find my lawyer quite nice”, said one client who did not wish to be named.
Senior lawyers blame legal education. “They come out of law school, they don’t know how to behave and would not know a Res Ipsa Loquitur if it hit them on the back of the head”, said one Managing Partner of a large law firm, “We have become so concerned that we have decided to take legal education in house. Basically, clients do not want advice, which is easy to follow, they can get that anywhere”.
Top Legal bodies believe that increasing demand for lawyers has flooded the profession with people who cannot be trusted to display the right attitude. While stressing the importance of women in the legal community a spokesman said, “They made a promising start in the 1980’s and we had hopes of adding “scary” to the list. However, while they have an excellent command of the 12, they have developed a less than obvious style, which has made them approachable and that is the slippery slope”.
The profession has turned to training organizations which have demonstrated success with medical, dental and other receptionists. One legal spokesman said, “We were interested to know how receptionists are able to generate such aggression and ill will among clients and patients with such minimal interaction”.
With lawyers in disarray, some accountants have seized the opportunity to develop their own 12 with a view to increasing their charge out rates. One accountant said, “We have been working on “pedantic and slow” for quite a while, however we are now ready to tackle “expensive” and “negative”. With “boring”, “incredibly tight” and “no sense of humour” under our belts we only need 5, or is that 4, more”.
Financial Planner (no previous convictions) wltm# well heeled mature (if possible aged) partner.
Accountant, bald, glasses, nsoh* seeks financially prudent soul mate to share a life which may not be long but will certainly seem so.
A sole legal practitioner in regional Australia wltm person of their dreams. A knowledge of conveyancing desirable but not essential.
Senior Partner, who has worked hard to establish a thriving law firm, now wishes to marry. Suitable candidates must be non-lawyers who are prepared to comment on all aspects of the firm decision making process and lord it over the other partners and staff. The right candidate will be supplied with a BMW and a life style which is conducive to sticking their oar in.
Interested? Please apply in confidence to John Fytit
# wltm Would like to meet.
* nsoh. No sense of humour.
John Fytit is the name of the central cartoon charter in Law & Disorder cartoons which started in Hong Kong in 1992. He is from the fictitious Hong Kong firm Fytit & Loos (pronounced “Fight it and Lose”). A very unsuccessful name as people read “Fytit” as “Fit it”. The International Problem Page started in 2005 and was merged into Paul Brennan’s blog. But, not before John Fytit started to receive real legal questions from various parts of the world.
The "Law and Disorder" Legal Cartoon App
Thank you to all those in various countries who have downloaded this App.
For those iphone users who have not done so, it is aimed at amusing or at least mildly offending your legal friends or clients.