Fights involving the Ombudsman - Front Rank File
Sun Tzu: Prevent co-operation between the enemy’s large and small divisions and hinder the good troops from rescuing the bad.
If you have seen the film Zulu, you will know what it is like to be in a Government Ombudsman's office, risking daily being overrun by crazed complainants fresh from battle.
The Ombudsman's office is not allowed to use the Martini-Henry rifle and fire by rank manoeuvre, as satisfying as this may sound. However, the Ombudsman's terms of reference can be drawn so narrowly that over 75% of complaints can be opened, found to be outside the terms of reference, and closed within a matter of a few days of receipt. Unlike Zulu warriors, complainants receive a two-page, admittedly standard, letter of rejection. Despite this, a customer satisfaction survey remains just as imprudent today as it was in 1879.
With the decks cleared, it gives the Ombudsman the opportunity to assess the merit and appropriately investigate the remaining complaints. However, after the carnage of repelling the initial onslaught, certain government Ombudsmen can feel understandably quite worn out and find it hard resist having a quick roll call and then swiftly finishing off the surviving complaints with a bureaucratic cat’s lick, accompanied by another two-page letter.
As in so many conflicts, an Ombudsman's lack of achievement can be portrayed as a victory, with glossy brochures reporting a courageous, fearless dedication to duty with occasional salutes by departing, vanquished but appreciative complainants, supported by detailed statistics proudly declaring file closures.
Shouldn't the complainants complain about this treatment? Yes, but who would believe them?
A tangible benefit of complaining to an Ombudsman is telling others that you have done so. It suggests that there is something wrong and that you have done something about it. With certain Ombudsmen, it is the only benefit. To paraphrase Michael Caine,"Not a lot of people suspect that."
Extract from "The Art of War, Peace & Palaver - The Contentious Guide to Legal Disputes" by Paul Brennan
